You Were Always There

Dear Mak,

A week has passed since the sudden news of your passing. I cried so hard for that few days (and still get teary eyed thinking of you) because everything felt really surreal. And it is still hard to fathom the fact still. Just 2 weeks before your passing, you were at your brightest. You were smiling as always and I could feel that you were happy. Never did I expect anything like this, nor do the rest of us. Seeing you for the last time was the hardest for me, and all of us. You felt so cold when I kissed your forehead; you have always been so warm towards me. I could even feel how that moment felt like now. No amount of gratitude can replace your love, care and concern that you have given me while I was under your care.

For twelve years, you have taken care of me just like how mothers do. When Mum and Dad went to work, you were the one that filled up their shoes for those hours. Every morning without fail, you would open your door to us (my brothers and cousins). And everyday you would always wait for us at the window and wave us goodbye when its time for us to go home. Your house became our second home. Your house holds thousand and one memories of my childhood and even more memories of you.

I was not an easy child to start with. With my tantrums and what not, you were so patient through out and still brought me everywhere you go. I would always looked forward to school holidays because that would mean, we get to travel to either one of our aunt's house to play with the other cousins. Remember how you argued with the bus driver cos he thought you didn't pay for my fare? He sure deserves that. Besides your own children, Kak Ana, Abg Man and Abg Ijal, you took care of Abg, Hafiz, Aliff, Adli and me. Now that I thought of it, how did you manage to do that at one go? You sure are an angel, Mak. You love us unconditionally and you never asked for anything.

I miss you Mak. I miss my younger days with you in it. I miss your laughter and smile. You always have your smile on no matter what.

I may seem distanced at times, but Mak, you were always near to me. Never have I forgotten you in my dua and prayers. And the thing that I regretted most while you were still around was I never got the chance to tell you how much I love you and how grateful I was to you for raising me up. And I never get the chance to learn how to be a great cook just like you. Cos I still remember a conversation I had with Dad when I was young, "Ayah, Mak Mok masak sedap tau. Nanti dah besar adik nak masak macam Mak.."

Your passing came as a big shock to us, especially the ones that you took care of and the ones closest to you. What an impact you have made in our lives. Mak, I will never stop praying for you. Because all I can do now is to pray to Allah to place you with the righteous people. And I promise to visit you. I miss you and I'll be waiting for you in my dreams..

Al-fateha...

Azizah Binte Abu Bakar

Yours Truly, HASYiMAH